It's normal for people in relationships to have problems as the connection grows. Sometimes these problems are as a consequence of emotions or greed. An issue that may arise in any style of relationship is manipulation. Learn the signs of manipulation and what you may do about it when it happens in your relationships.
Manipulation is the exercise of harmful influence on others. People who manipulate others attack their mental and emotional sides to get what they need. The manipulating person, called a manipulator, tries to create an imbalance of power. They exploit you to realize power, control, advantage and/or privilege.
Manipulation can occur in close or casual relationships, but is more common in close relationships. This includes any try and influence an individual's emotions with the intention to get them to behave or feel a certain way.
Manipulators have common tricks they use to make you're feeling irrational and make you more likely to offer in to their requests. Some common examples are:
- Fault
- Complain
- Compare
- Lay
- Deny
- Feigning ignorance or innocence
- Accuse
- Mind games
Manipulation can are available in many forms. In fact, depending on the intention, the style of motion is usually a type of manipulation.
People who manipulate others have common traits that you could search for. They include:
- You know your weaknesses and find out how to exploit them.
- They use your insecurities against you.
- They persuade you to offer up something vital to make you much more depending on them.
- If they reach the manipulation, they'll proceed to achieve this until you get out of the situation.
Other signs of manipulation include:
Location advantage
A manipulator will attempt to take you out of your comfort zone and into places you might be accustomed to with the intention to have a bonus over you. This may be anywhere the manipulator feels ownership or control over.
Manipulation of facts
A manipulator will misinform you, apologize, blame you, or strategically share facts about themselves while withholding other truths. This makes them feel like they've power over you and mental superiority.
Exaggeration and generalization
Manipulators exaggerate and generalize. They may say things like, “Nobody has ever loved me.” They use vague accusations to make it harder to see the holes of their arguments.
Cruel humor
This tactic utilized by manipulators is designed to take advantage of your weaknesses and make you're feeling insecure. By making you look bad, they feel a way of psychological superiority.
Gaslighting
This tactic is utilized by the manipulator to confuse you and make you query your individual reality. Manipulation happens if you end up confronted with the abuse or lies and the manipulator tells you it never happened.
Passive aggression
In passive aggression, the manipulator doesn't express negative feelings or problems toward an individual. Instead, they find indirect ways to specific their anger and undermine the opposite person.
Emotional manipulators often comply with a project or motion after which search for passive-aggressive ways to let the opposite person know they don't really need to do it. You can use certain passive-aggressive techniques reminiscent of:
- Discontent or cynicism
- Intentional errors and procrastination
- Complaints about being underestimated or cheated out of something not directly
- Resentment and hidden resistance
People may be passive-aggressive for a lot of reasons, not at all times geared toward manipulation. But chronic (long-term) manipulators will use this tactic to make you're feeling bad and offer you backhanded compliments. You do that to point out anger without being directly offended, which leaves you confused.
Social and emotional bullying
Bullies don't at all times use physical violence. Constant criticism, loud voices and threats are types of emotional bullying. Social bullying can take the shape of spreading rumors or intentional exclusion.
Other forms include mental and bureaucratic bullying. Intellectual bullying involves someone trying to say the role of subject material expert, making one other person feel inadequate and depending on them for information. Bureaucratic bullying is using bureaucratic hurdles – laws, procedures, or paperwork – to overwhelm someone or undermine their goals.
distortion
Another strategy utilized by emotionally manipulative people is to distort facts or other information needed to accurately assess a situation.
In some cases, the manipulator simply lies or claims he doesn't know anything about something.
Guilt and compassion
Many individuals are very prone to feelings of guilt. Some even go to this point as to punish themselves in response to things they feel guilty about.
Emotionally manipulative people reap the benefits of this vulnerability. They may play the victim or remind you of past favors. They want you to feel a way of obligation or compassion that they consider will increase the likelihood of them getting what they need.
retreat
The simplest example of such a emotional manipulation is the silent treatment when someone punishes you by ignoring you.
Comparison
Sometimes a manipulative person compares you to another person to egg you on. They may use a specific person to make you're feeling insecure or attempt to make it feel like “everyone else” is doing what they need you to do. They may even recruit others to pressure you into a specific emotion or motion.
Manipulation of circumstances
This strategy may be so simple as someone insisting that you just meet them at home or within the office, where they feel most strongly. Or they create a constraint, reminiscent of a deadline, to pressure you to make their preferred decision.
Love-Bombing: Overwhelming and undeserved closeness
Showering a brand new acquaintance with praise and affection, also referred to as “love bombing,” is a typical emotional manipulation tactic. It is even utilized in cults. An emotional manipulator might try to draw you thru artificial vulnerability or an artificially accelerated relationship.
Constant judging
The manipulator doesn't hide his manipulation behind humor or “have fun.” In this case, they're open about judging, ridiculing, and rejecting you. They need to make you're feeling like you might be doing something improper and that you just will likely be inadequate to them regardless of what you do. They only deal with negative points and don't offer constructive solutions.
It may be difficult to acknowledge or admit manipulation when it happens to you. It's not your fault and chances are you'll not have the ability to forestall it. But there are things you may do to cut back the emotional impact of manipulation. Here are ways to set strong boundaries in a relationship:
- Communicate in a transparent, direct and specific manner.
- Understand when manipulation will not be normal and wishes to be addressed.
- Set limits on the manipulation and discover a technique to let the person know that you just understand that they're manipulating you and that you just don't want to be a part of this conversation.
- Find a trustworthy one who will not be under the manipulator's influence and ask them for advice about your situation.
The ability to detect tampering is an enormous a part of your solution. When the manipulation comes from a loved one, it could be very difficult to hunt help. But manipulation can harm your individual emotional well-being. Therefore, it will be important that you just discover a secure way out of the situation.
If you're feeling like someone is trying to govern you – be it a partner, relative, friend, co-worker, or another person – it's vital to get help, especially if the situation is abusive in any way . Resources include:
- Relationship counselor
- therapist
- Friends
- Trusted relations
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233