Anxious attachment is a form of insecure relationship that children have with moms or caregivers. This childhood bond can impact your relationships later in life.
Attachment is the flexibility to form emotional bonds with other people. It begins at birth and continues into early and later life. It is a way of regarding one other person.
The form of bond you had along with your mother or primary caregiver can affect your relationships as an adult. From that first commitment relationship, you have got a blueprint that impacts subsequent relationships.
When emotional needs usually are not met or answered, it might have long-term effects. This is known as insecure attachment.
There are 4 important attachment styles. These include:
- secure
- Anxious and ambivalent
- Anxious-avoidant
- Disorganized
‌These bonds can influence the way in which you react and behave in your relationships as an adult, especially with a romantic partner. Understanding these patterns can provide help to learn what you would like and the right way to overcome problems.
Secure attachment. People with a secure attachment style have empathy but can set boundaries. They are satisfied of their close relationships and feel secure and stable.
As a toddler, your parents were probably good at meeting your needs and managing their very own stress in healthy ways.
People with secure relationships:
- Have good self-esteem
- Express feelings openly
- Just ask for support and provides it
- I like being around others but don't get alarmed when that's not the case
Anxious-ambivalent attachment. People with anxious attachment are likely to be needy. They are anxious and have low self-esteem. They need to be near others, but are afraid that others won't need to be with them.
As a toddler, your parents were probably inconsistent. They might need responded sometimes. In other cases, they could have been distracted or just not there. Maybe you felt anxious and insecure and like your parents were far and wide.
Anxious-avoidant attachment. People with fearful-avoidant attachments are the other of needy. Instead of being emotionally close, they avoid contact with others. You may depend on yourself, crave freedom, and find emotions difficult.
Your parents were probably unavailable once you were a toddler. They could have rejected your needs or feelings and you have got learned to withdraw and calm yourself. You've learned to avoid closeness, or perhaps you never knew what it felt like, and now you avoid all of it together.
Disorganized attachment. People with this attachment style feel like they don't deserve love. They often have severe anxiety, which can stem from childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect.
If you have got this attachment style, your caregiver could have ignored your needs or exhibited chaotic behavior that was frightening and traumatizing. They could have had their very own emotional problems.
Anxious attachment could make it difficult to address stress and alter. You could have problems with romantic relationships, friendships, and other relationships.
Anxious or disorganized attachments usually tend to arise from:
- trauma
- neglect
- Early separation from parents
- Long hospital stay
- Inconsistency in parenting and emotional response
- A caregiver with depression
- An inexperienced mother
If you had problems in your early childhood, you might not trust others as an adult. You could have anxious attachment should you:
- Being afraid of emotions, intimacy and emotional closeness
- Wanting to withdraw when an individual is in distress
- Are independent and don’t need others
- Ignore other people's feelings
- There could also be no limits
- Need constant reassurance
- Are needy or clingy
- Become obsessed or overly fixated on someone
- Crave intimacy but cannot trust others
- Are you anxious or jealous when you're away out of your partner?
It's essential to keep in mind that anxious attachment doesn't at all times mean you weren't loved as a toddler. This means you didn't get the emotional response you needed. Your personality and other life experiences can also have played a task.
There are some things you may do if you have got an anxious attachment.
Learn communication skills. Learning to precise your feelings and ask for what you would like will provide help to be clearer in your relationships. Learning nonverbal cues like posture and gestures can provide help to higher interpret your partner's feelings. This can provide help to respond more appropriately.
Go to therapy. If you're having problems in your relationships, it's idea to check with a therapist. Therapy can provide help to resolve a few of your previous childhood experiences that gave you this relationship blueprint.
Find someone who has a secure attachment. It might feel awkward at first to be in a relationship with someone who has a secure attachment. This can provide help to understand what a stable and secure relationship appears like. Also try to construct friendships with individuals who have high self-esteem, good boundaries, and secure attachment.