Forgiving yourself for past actions is a robust healing tool.
You should still struggle when you concentrate on how someone mistreated you. But what if you happen to were unsuitable?
It's not unusual to revisit memories of whenever you bullied someone, bullied someone at work, or broke up with a friend or member of the family insensitively.
Change is sweet.
The challenge many men face with self-forgiveness is the misunderstanding that it's an indication of weakness. But it actually requires courage. “Forgiving yourself can lead to self-growth,” says Cowden. “So, when things come back that we regret doing, we can approach it as an opportunity to learn about ourselves and grow in beneficial ways.”
Practicing self-forgiveness can have many health advantages. Studies show that self-forgiveness is related to reductions in guilt, shame, stress, depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, in addition to greater self-esteem and life satisfaction.
“We are often harder on ourselves than others,” he says. “But once you can forgive yourself and separate yourself from punishment, you can begin the process of healing and positive behavior change.”
The 4 R's of forgiveness
There are 4 parts to the technique of self-forgiveness: responsibility, remorse, restructuring, and renewal. Here are some ways to approach each.
responsibility. Facing as much as what you've done is usually the toughest a part of self-forgiveness. “It's uncomfortable to admit you've done something wrong, and it's natural to protect one's self-esteem by denying what happened or making excuses for one's behavior,” says Cowden.
What you may do: Write a letter. Using pen and paper or a pc keyboard, outline your mistakes and acknowledge your misgivings. “You don't have to send it to that person,” says Cowden. “Just the act of exposing yourself and writing it down can help you process your feelings about your past behavior.”
regret Once you are taking responsibility to your past, you might experience negative feelings like shame and guilt. “That's normal, so don't bottle them up,” says Cowden.
What you may do: Talk to him. Always do not forget that you will not be alone, and that others struggle with similar issues. “Sharing these feelings with a trusted friend can help you work through them and gain valuable insight, and you can often return the favor,” says Cowden.
New orientation. One of a very powerful parts of self-forgiveness is to make amends (if it's possible) and do your best to not transgress in the identical way again.
What you may do: Apologize. Apologize if it has been requested (or send that letter, if that's easier). Use expressions of regret equivalent to “I wish I could take it back,” or “I wish I'd been more thoughtful.” Another way is to ask the person what you may do to make amends. If you may't communicate with the person, have an imaginary conversation with them, or share your apology with someone you each know. “This exercise can help you commit not to engage in the same behavior in the future,” says Cowden.
Renewal This is the stage of self-healing where you let go of your wrongdoings and move forward with the teachings you've learned.
What you may do: Reconnect together with your spiritual side. If you follow a spiritual or spiritual practice, give it some thought, or wish to return to a discontinued practice, that is a possibility to forgive yourself through prayer or meditation. “This often facilitates introspection, which can help you realize that everyone makes mistakes and that you are beyond repair,” says Cowden.
Forgiving yourself isn't easy and should take time and additional effort, but it surely's price it, says Cowden. “It can free you from your past mistakes and help you live more fully in the here and now. You'd be surprised if you can work through the process of self-forgiveness. If so, how much better do you feel?”
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