"The groundwork of all happiness is health." - Leigh Hunt

Raising a perfectionist? Here's how you may respond.

Some children show signs of perfectionism early on. Young children can get frustrated and tear up their drawing if it's not quite right. Older children may avoid or refuse to do homework because they’re afraid of creating mistakes.

Perfectionism could make children feel overwhelmed, offended and frustrated, or sad and withdrawn.

And yet perfectionism will not be considered bad in our society. Being called a “perfectionist” could be an understatement – the code of being an ideal employee or student, someone who strives to do their best and makes sure all tasks are done well.

These seemingly polarized views reflect the complex nature of perfectionism.

What is perfectionism?

Researchers often Different perfectionism In two parts:

  1. Perfection efforts: Being committed to accomplishing goals and achieving more

  2. Concerns about perfection: Concern about with the ability to meet high standards, and self-criticism about performance.

While perfectionistic strivings could be positive and result in high achievement, perfectionistic concerns can result in children's overachievement. Eating disorders or Anxiety and depressionand to be Low academic achievement.

Perfectionist concerns may end up in lower academic achievement.
Jessica Lewis/Insplash

Children and adolescents may experience perfectionism regarding schoolwork, performance in sports, art or music, or their bodies.

Symptoms of perfectionism concerns in children and adolescents may include:

A variety of genetic, biological and environmental aspects influence Perfection in children and as parents, our role is vital. While Research evidence Suggests that we will't increase positivity in our kids, that strict or controlling parents can increase negativity in children.

Parents who’re perfectionists themselves can do it too. Model It their children.

So, how can we walk the road between supporting our child's interests and helping them achieve their potential, without pressuring them and increasing the danger of negative outcomes?

Give them room to grow.

is an ideal metaphor. Gardener vs. Carpenter Described by a professor of psychology Alison Gopnik.

Instead of attempting to construct and shape their children by controlling them and their environment (as in upbringing), parents can adopt the spirit of the gardener – giving children loads of room to grow in their very own direction. are, and nurture them with love, respect. and confidence.

The girl climbs the hill in winter.
Parents don’t need to manage their child and their environment.
Noah Solomon/Insplash

We can't control who they develop into, so it's best to sit down back, benefit from the ride, and stay up for seeing the person they grow into.

However, as parents there remains to be much we will do if our child is showing signs of perfectionism. We could be role models for our kids on set realistic goals and be flexible when things change or go fallacious, help our kids manage stress and negative emotions, and help our family of their each day routines. Create a healthy balance.

Set realistic goals.

People with perfectionistic tendencies often set unattainable goals. We can support the event of flexible and realistic goal setting by asking curious questions, for instance, “What would you need to do to get one small step closer to this goal?” It can also be helpful to discover upper and lower limits for the goals.

If your child is ready for a high rating at school, for instance, set that because the “upper limit” after which help them discover the “lower limit,” even in the event that they're lower than comfortable with the outcomes. I’m

This strategy can take time and practice to bridge the gap between the 2, but is helpful for constructing flexibility over time.

If a goal is performance-based and the end result can’t be guaranteed (for instance, a sports competition), encourage your child to set a private goal over which he has more control.

A child is riding a bike on a ramp.
Parents may help children set goals they will achieve.

We also can discuss perfectionism from the beginning, and explain that everybody makes mistakes. In fact, it's great to model this in front of our children – talking about our own mistakes and feelings, to point out them that we're not perfect ourselves.

Ways of talking out loud may help children see that we “walk the walk.” For example, if you happen to burn dinner, you would possibly consider:

I'm dissatisfied because I put effort and time into it and it didn't end up as I expected. But all of us make mistakes. I don't get things right each time.

Control stress and negative emotions.

Some children and adolescents have a natural tendency towards perfectionism. Instead of trying to manage their behavior, we will offer gentle, loving support.

When our child or teen becomes frustrated, offended, sad, or overwhelmed, we do our greatest to assist them name, express, and validate all of their feelings.

Parents may fear that acknowledging their child's negative feelings will make the sentiments worse, but the alternative is true.

Creating a healthy balance

The cornerstones of healthy child development are strong loving family relationships, good nutrition, creative play and adequate physical activity, sleep and rest.

Perfectionism is about being rigid, and pondering that there is just one right technique to succeed. Instead we will encourage flexibility and creativity in children.

Children's minds develop through play. There is robust research evidence showing that creative, child-led play is related to higher Emotion regulation Dexterity, and a variety Cognitive skillsincluding problem solving, memory, planning, flexibility and decision making.

The girl is running while playing the game.
Play helps children develop their brains.
Mi Pham/Unsplash

Play isn't only for young children – there's evidence that any type of exploratory, creative play can profit. Adolescents and adults.

There can also be evidence that energetic outdoor activities in nature can improve children's development. Coping skills, emotion regulation And Cognitive development.